One week ago, I was in the midst of moving frenzy.
The day started quietly, packing the last few items, cleaning up what I could.
Then I went to pick up the truck.
Yes. I drove a 16 footer, all by myself. That, in itself, is a feat.
First order of the day was to pick up brand new furniture from The Brick's distribution centre. Of course, I was told to park the truck into loading area #20, the first one on the left, into a corner. My back parking skills are way better than my parallel parking skills, so maneuvering into that loading dock was tricky, but I managed to do it without crashing the truck into the concrete wall! Yay me! I had no idea how much room was left when I was backing straight into the dock though, so I had to step out, scope the distance left and get back into the driver's seat. Fortunately there was a kind soul there who saw me get out and back in, and he positioned himself at the back to indicate how much further I could go. *sigh*...that's what happens when you do things alone, you rely on the kindness of strangers and you hope there will be someone there who would offer help in times of need.
Next thing on the agenda was to drive back home. Cousins and friends were there already, moving stuff into the moving room so that by the time I got there with the truck, they only took 45 minutes to load it and we were on our way to my new home! Pizzas arrived like by magic (not quite, unless you count bribing a cousin as magic) and after some food and jokes, the truck was unloaded and all the boxes moved in. I would not dismiss the crew before my bed was assembled (that's foresight, right there, I was not going to deal with that big-ass bed frame by myself later!), so there I was in my new home, with 4 engineers re-assembling my bed!!!
That was not the end of the day. I had to go back to the old place, return the truck and trek back downtown. The schedule for the day was hectic, only because I had to do it all. I am grateful for the family and friends who came to help, but I would have certainly enjoyed it if some of that load was taken off me.
It is in situations like these, in life-changing events, or less dramatically, routine-changing events, that I wish I was not single. It would have been nice to have shared the planning details, the worrying and the tasks. It would have been nice, if there was someone I could count on for emotional support. Not that my friends are not here for that, but I can imagine that it is a different feeling when two people can share the same burden together. I guess that is why you need two to raise a kid, it would be overwhelming to assume the responsibility of another life all by oneself. Not that it is impossible, it is just harder on the body and on the mind.
Having said that, I was torn with other feelings as well that day. Feelings of incredible pride in the fact that I could endeavour to rent a truck and drive it and return it without a scratch. Feeling of accomplishment for such an undertaking as to decide to move and to see it to completion. And the immense satisfaction that comes from knowing I did what I had to do without breaking down physically or emotionally. I am an independent woman and just the realization of that, makes me feel the full potential of my inner strength.
Sometimes I wonder, if I can feel this powerful by myself, how invincible would I be if I was part of a team? My independence, as much as it is working for me (as the young, modern, successful professional living in the big city that I am) is probably the one major impediment to finding myself a partner in crime. How to find someone "strong" enough to be part of that team, that has been the challenge so far!
The feeling of needing someone else does not linger for very long with me. I stand by what I believe in, and that is (among other things) (1) what does not kill you makes you stronger and (2) I would not abandon a winning team unless it is for a better team. Thousands, if not millions, of women go through what I go through, it is not an extraordinary situation or an extraordinary life. But what I am going through is my life and my one shot at it and I am glad to be proud of what my accomplishments are up to date. Goooo girl power!
