A manual to ... love!

This is what I stumbled on the other day while searching for the lyrics to a song...

A wiki page on how to love: http://www.wikihow.com/Love 

In summary, the 7 steps are:
1. Know that your love for the other person is real.
2. Say it.
3. Empathize.
4. Love unconditionally.
5. Expect nothing in return.
6. Realize it can be lost.
7. Never stop loving.

Let's see if I know how to love.
Hmm...Most people KNOW when #1 is true.
Some people, however, can convince themselves that they love, or that they don't love someone. I have been guilty of doing both. I have found that the control I have over my own mind is quite strong. But when I know, I know. I might convince myself that the love is not real for other reasons, but deep down I know.

#2 is harder. I have written about it before in this blog (These 3 words entry). I have found myself in situations where I was suppressing the urge to say it too. Mostly because it kinda goes against how I was raised, or maybe by saying it, it makes me more vulnerable. Ok, so #2 needs work.

I know how to empathize. I actually do it so often that I sometimes look back and think how stupid I am. The other party would never empathize with me the same way I did and I don't even need to 'love' them to be able to empathize with them. #3 checked.

#4 and #5 go hand in hand I think. If you love unconditionally, you do not expect anything in return.  Sometimes I see how some couples work on the principle that one will love the other only if the other fits into the description of the perfect partner. Modify the behaviour a bit, or one of them being slightly moody for a few days, and you can feel the love tangibly diminishing. The 'expect nothing in return' is actually quite hard to do. Even in our most basic relationships, you expect something in return. You give affection and you expect affection in return. Sure, you can take rejection every now and then, but repeatedly giving without getting anything back in return could destroy someone to the core. Even if you don't expect love in return, you expect your love to be respected if not reciprocated.
I truly believe I can love unconditionally. I am not so sure if I can love without expecting anything in return. Maybe I should suggest a correction to the wiki, that if #4 stays, then #5 should be 'Try not to expect anything in return, have low expectations and you shall be surprised when you get something in return. That in turn will make you love the person more'. Ironic, isn't it? If you love more, and expect less, you will be loved more.

The realization that love can be lost dawns on everybody every now and then, I believe. Only people who are over-confident, conceited and/or arrogant would claim not to ever fear the loss of love. Like I have mentioned in a few of my posts, you never know the extent to which others love you. That is and will remain a mystery. Unless someone invents a machine one day that allows you to read someone else's feelings and actually convert it to your own frequency, there is no way for someone to understand the depth of someone else's feelings. That is why I live in the fear of losing someone's love. As a kid, I listened to my parents because I feared the only people in the world hard-wired to love me will stop loving me. Hell, I still hide some things from my parents in the fear of disappointing and eventually losing their love! #6, definitely checked.

#7: Never stop loving.
Hmm...Whatever happened to 'never say never'? (Known expression, from way before Bieber was born!).
This is probably the one which challenges me the most. Every time I get hurt in friendship or love, I will myself not to care anymore, harden my little heart up, and trudge forward until some kind of balance is regained. Then something infallibly happens. My memory fails me and I open up again and before I know it, I'm friends with the person again. Logically, this is a vicious circle that I can only stop by stopping to love. Emotionally and instinctively though, that goes against my nature. Even though I can control my mind, I cannot control my heart. Damn you, little heart.
#7 checked, unfortunately.


Score: 5 out of 7.
I think I'm doing okay. Maybe I'll modify #2 and #5 so I can check all of them!